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As I write this, I’m on my way to model in a shoot for a major brand. And I am currently the heaviest that I’ve ever weighed in my entire life.
I’m going to be real with you: I’m very aware that I still look pretty average. I’m a bit on the taller side, so a 25-pound weight gain is less visible on me than it is for someone who’s more petite. But man. It hasn’t felt that great to get on a scale as of late, and it’s also not a good feeling when 75% of your wardrobe no longer fits.
Bikini (Top & Bottom): ℅ Aerie | Sunglasses: ℅ Warby Parker
I was very sick the first week of January, and I had to go to the doctor for the first time in months. I haven’t owned a scale at home in years, so I don’t weigh myself very often.
And then I got on the scale at my doctor’s office: it read 154 lbs.
Holy. Crap. I knew that I had gained weight over the past year, but until a few weeks ago, I had no idea to what extent. In the summer of 2017, I was living in Philly without a car, walked an average of 5 miles a day, and saw a personal trainer a couple of times a week. Fast forward to now: I moved to a smaller city and now rely on a car, I work from home and have no reason to leave the house on a regular basis, am just getting back on my feet after a knee injury, and I’m on the road nearly half of every month for travel blogging projects.
I’m not going to lie: I feel a tad self-conscious about the weight gain, but I’m working on body positivity and learning to love myself and my body as time goes on. Having to blog and be in front of the camera on a regular basis makes you aware of every little tummy roll and sliver of cellulite that you have. The idea of presenting yourself and all your flaws in front of the internet is pretty scary!
After looking back at my habits over the past year, I know for a fact that my lifestyle choices easily contributed to my weight gain. There are days when I don’t leave my apartment complex at all when I work from home, and when I’m on press trips, I’m encouraged to sample every meal I can and overeat. I’m tired and sluggish most days, and I easily feel run down.
I love food, so I’m not inclined to sign up for a crazy diet plan or do something like Whole30. However, I’m trying to avoid overeating while on press trips and to make healthier choices when I’m home. I also want to be more active as well: having any sort of gym routine with my travel schedule has proven to be difficult, but I want to get back to working out so that I have the stamina to get through the day.
I’ve come to terms that while I want to make healthier lifestyle choices, I might not ever lose all the weight that I’ve gained in the last year. And that’s okay. I want to make these lifestyle changes for my health, and not my appearance. Having tummy rolls and cellulite shouldn’t be frowned upon. I just purchased my friend Lauren Elyce’s Fit Guide, and I can’t wait to try out some of the recipes and workouts she’s included. She also has a Facebook group to help motivate us and keep us accountable. I’m hoping this will get me back on track to living a bit of a healthier lifestyle!